At MD Anderson (Houston)
My appointment is in a couple of hours and it is surreal to me how different my thoughts have become during my last two weeks on hiatus from doctors. During my "medical silence" I have read a lot, I have communicated with others a lot, I have opened my mind and heart to many things and I have prayed.
I am not sure what Dr. Wang and his team will have to say to me or to offer, but what I do know now, very clearly, is that this is MY life, my body and my only go-round. I am learning that there is not just one right way to solve problems and that I only need to make decision that I am comfortable with, on my time frame.
Again, what does all that mean? I am not really sure, other than I feel calm, strangely at peace about having the knowledge that there are success stories and documentation that alternative therapies which are far less toxic and dangerous, are available in conjunction with and at times, in stead of conventional western medicine.
Please do not read this wrong and think I am going to ban all chemo and trials and medicines, that is not the case at all. I believe what currently makes me comfortable is knowing that "watch and wait" in my cancer case may be a very real and very necessary first option. It also makes me comfortable knowing that my tinctures, rubs, oils and teas are really not that crazy and that there is science behind them. These "potions" may not be the cure (as currently there is none), but they certainly cannot hurt; and whether it is in my head or not, they make me feel better knowing that I am doing everything I can for myself; that I still have some sort of control over this.
Lastly, I am staying as faithful as I can. I feel very at ease praying, accepting prayers and asking for prayers; that is new to me. I have always been one to pray, but accepting and asking are certainly new. There are a lot of lessons I am learning and if this illness makes me a better person for it, than I want to be better.
I would ask and appreciate that whatever decisions I make they are supported. I would also like to mention that these decisions will certainly be fluid and changing as my needs change with my health; what may be "good" for me today, may not work in the future.
I cannot thank you enough for your support, whether public or private, written or silent, I know you are with me and I love you all!
Here's to another beginning....